


you won’t remember all my champagne problems

by thelastjeqi



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Heavy Angst, Marriage Proposal, Mention of minor characters - Freeform, Previous exes to lovers, Rey has anxiety, Songfic, a lot of insecurities too, and Abandonment Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:34:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28340229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelastjeqi/pseuds/thelastjeqi
Summary: She knew she had humiliated him in front of their friends, and his family. Ruining the evening he had organized for her when, after hours of laughter, old stories told over and over again, and a few drinks she had to go out because a heavy feeling weighed on her heart. Sheknewthat was the calm before the storm. That so much lightness and happiness could never last forever and that she had been stupid until then.Stupid stupid stupid…
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 6
Kudos: 63
Collections: Reylo Evermore Flash Fic





	you won’t remember all my champagne problems

**Author's Note:**

> This fanfic is part of the “Reylo evermore Flashfiction challenge” hosted by [bobaheadshark](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobaheadshark/works) whom I thanks infinitely, this is based on the track called “[champagne problems](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wMpqCRF7TKg)”.  
>  I invite you to mind the tags and to make me know if there’s something I should add. Rey has anxiety and it’s that move the whole story, I tried to not write it in a triggering way but let me know if there’s some more accurate tag I could add. I inspired it by my own experience with it.   
>    
>  Come to say hello on [twitter](https://twitter.com/thelastjeqi) and on [ko-fi](https://ko-fi.com/qreatgatsby)

Rey wished she kept her nose in her business. That she didn’t insist on coming back to take Ben’s jacket. That she told him he was great anyway and that they’d have been warm and that he wouldn’t need it anyway.  
Instead, she was now watching a tiny velvety box that had fallen from the aforementioned item on the carpet. Between her and her boyfriend.  
“Rey”, he sighed. “I—“  
“Not now”, she interrupted him abruptly, “we’re already late”.

*

The place was amazing. It’s spacious enough to allow everyone to dance but also to let them talk from table to table without screaming, well-lit, and cozy. She couldn’t stop watching the fairy lights hanging from the ceiling for a second.   
She preferred to look at that or the dish she was served instead of turning around and looking at the other guests. Because she was too coward to glance at Ben that although he hadn't spoken to her more than necessary, he had an arm resting on the back of her chair and occasionally rubbed her thumb on the shoulder. Colder than usual but still reachable, still in her hands. She was too scared to cross the pitiful looks of others.  
Because even though everyone was happy for their friends, they also knew that this was supposed to be someone else's wedding. Her and Ben’s.  
Rey could barely stand the presence of Finn and Poe sitting in front of her without remembering when she had met them by accident a year earlier, how she had to cancel the day's plans and call in sick so she could come home and cry under the blankets still wearing a jacket. Far from everyone. Alone.  
It was also hard to hear Rose laughing behind her without remembering when she called her and told her: "Ben was going to ask you to marry him. What happened?"  
That was the moment she knew.   
She knew she had humiliated him in front of their friends, and his family. Ruining the evening he had organised for her when, after hours of laughter, old stories told over and over again, and a few drinks she had to go outside because a heavy feeling weighed on her heart. She _knew_ that was the calm before the storm. That so much lightness and happiness could never last forever and that she had been stupid until then. _Stupid stupid stupid…  
_ When Ben appeared behind her she began to cry and told him dryly: "I need space" leaving him there, in the cold.  
Their space lasted little. Two months. When Ben found a shred of courage and called her. He just wanted to know if she was okay, he told her. And she said no. Not without him.  
Ben took her back without saying anything, without reopening the wound she had left that evening.  
Rey jeopardized her friendships, all the connections and the trust she had built in years of her relationship with Ben. Putting them all in a situation of embarrassment.  
That was the first time they'd seen each other publicly. She had agreed to participate because those were also her friends, and she loved them. But now, seeing what could have been hers by now, the promises, the clothes, the laughter, the magic, could think of nothing but what she had lost. And the weight of what others behind her were thinking became more and more unbearable.  
She shrugged her shoulders, hoping to become invisible.

  
  


*

Rey was in Ben’s arms on the dance floor, doing something that reminded very little of dance but more of a rocking. Letting yourself be lulled by the intimate atmosphere, the now soft lights, and the slow music. Ben's face was in the hollow of her neck, and hers was crushed on his shoulder, inhaling his scent. Embracing him as hard as possible. She hoped to make him realize how sorry she was, and how scared she was.   
“I want to marry you”, his breath on her naked skin made her shiver, “but you don’t want to”.  
The voice with which he said it broke her heart.  
“And that’s okay. I wish I wasn’t so selfish when I thought about it the first time. I should’ve talked to you about it before. I should have understood you better. I didn't, and I'm sorry”.  
Rey could feel the sobs in her throat and the tears in her eyes. How to explain that he wasn't the problem? How could she take some weight off his shoulders when there was no more space on hers? When was her rib cage completely crushed?  
She stepped back and looking at his shirt instead of his face said: “I’m tired. I want to go home”. She slipped on her jacket and took the bag, walking along the longest walk of shame. Without saying goodbye to anyone.  
Leaving him alone, again.

  
  


*

Their apartment was lit only by the colorful lights of the Christmas tree and cold.   
Ben abandoned his jacket on the sofa, causing fatigue, instead, she carefully hung it behind the door in a vain attempt to buy time and delay the moment when, lying in their bed, she would not have a way to escape.  
“I want to say yes,” she said, still giving him her back.  
He untied the necktie, forgetting that one on the couch too. “If you ever ask me, I’d like to say yes.” and then she stepped a little bit closer to him, knowing that now she couldn’t close the conversation and avoid the elephant in the room anymore. She put herself in a position that scared the hell out of her and she was so stupid.  
“But what will happen next?” she asked, “when you’ll understand that I’m a little nothing. A greedy thing who’s unable to feel anything that isn’t fear and panic but nonetheless desperately needs to be loved and I’ll become so dependent on you and I’ll become a burden until you’ll want to divorce me and I’ll be alone and unable to look after myself and there will be nothing left for me if, I don’t know, die—”  
Before she could even realize it Ben was gently shaking her shoulders to make her shut up. “I’ve known you for ten years, and loved you for seven and you weren’t a burden even for a second”, he hugged her, “and we won’t divorce and neither you’ll end up alone or”, Ben’s voice stuttered a little, “—or die, oh my god Rey… what the fuck” he dropped the speech just clutching her hard.  
They both said nothing for a long time. Holding on to each other.  
“I’m sorry if I scared you so much”, he whispered, “I want to marry you because I want to start something new with you, a family maybe. But only if you want to, Rey. We can stay like this forever, nobody obliges us to do anything”.   
Ben looked at her face, unbraiding her hairstyle and letting the clips fall at their feet, brushing off some loose makeup under her eyes, “I’d love you anyway”.  
Rey sat on the carpet, lying on her back and watching the Christmas tree from below. Hands her stomach. Ben sat next to her with a smooth movement. “This is a safe space, Rey. And it’ll always be for you and your… struggle. And I wish I could do something to ease all this turmoil of feeling you feel but I can’t and it breaks my heart. I can only remind you that I love you, a lot, every time you need to.”  
“Your family hates me”, she whispered.  
He grimaced, “are you sure? My mother almost grounded me because I let you go. And the ring is hers, she gave it to me before I could even ask.”  
Rey bit her upper lip, trying to not smile. “Our friends—”  
Ben interrupted her: “Rose and Hux fought who was supposed to be my wedding witness”.  
“Who would win?”  
“Rose, of course”.  
Rey snorted gracelessly and covered her eyes with an arm, trying to isolate her brain for a second aware of Ben watching her. She sighed loudly.  
“Ask me”.  
His eyes wide, slightly shocked. He slipped his hand into his pocket and pulled out the red box, putting it next to her head.  
“Rey,” his voice serious, his finger mildly touching her collarbones, “would you like to marry me?”  
Without hesitation, she answered: “yes”. 


End file.
